FindItByMe.com™

       Do we realize how much harm we can cause to another, to our relationships, when we extend mixed messages?  When we continually express that we believe they, or circumstances, will change for "better", while at the same time we express and hope they will be who we once knew them to be?  Rather than accept everyone changes?  Whether inwardly, outwardly or both, we change, and that change can seem negative or positive, but change continues.

       If we are "loving"someone in our hopes (desire) of their return to someone we once knew them to be, we are not truly loving them for who they are.  Instead we are "loving" them for who we want them to be, and this is not love.  For instead of loving them we are loving what we want.  This seems to harm many relationships.  It is so more loving to allow the other the room, the breath, the encouragement and grace to be who they are as they move through their changes and circumstances.  If this we are not able to do for them, then we are not willing to let go of control.  And when we hold them to some ideal -- even if done so in utmost subtlety -- we push our so-called loved-one into reactionary behaviors as they try desperately to hold onto some sense of who they are and who they are becoming.  We create fear rather than Love.